On being a parent

I didn’t know I wanted children until I was 29 years old.  I had feelings of trepidation about being a parent, a good parent, and sharing life in all its majesty and sorrow with other souls who would rely on my husband and I for wisdom, love and choices.  I questioned my own ability to offer sound advice when some of the best I could give was “don’t do what I did!”

Loving someone is a complicated emotion.  After our first boy was born, I experienced a kind of euphoria.  I completely fell in love with him and my husband again.  Love is like that with ebbs and flows of feelings throughout our life.  A quote from Marianne Williamson comes to mind, “Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.”  I was 31 years old at the time and fully immersed in the journey of motherhood.

 I remember the catch in my throat and aligning the butterflies in my stomach every time I looked at his tiny hands and feet.  There is this indescribable joy of motherhood that is simply unguarded……authentic and honest…..a warming feeling like the first sunny day in spring when the first blooms offer intoxicating fragrance.  My son. 

I had no idea what I was supposed to do except nurture my child in a way that would allow him to satisfy his own curiosity and growth.  Ok, maybe I smothered a bit…..that’s changed now…..and there was the incident of the first bath…..perhaps I should have read a few books.  Parenting is an art; a kind of slow and steady dance.  The only rules we gave ourselves was consistency, love, solitude when needed, debates were welcome but we had final say after the negotiations, fair play among siblings, chores for allowance and keeping bedrooms for quiet time…not punishment.   

Just after turning 32 years old, our second son was born.  They are 15 months apart and it has worked our magically.  Our boys are friends with each other yet vastly different personalities.  We are bringing up the proverbial yin and yang teenagers who respect themselves and we hope the general population. 

And again, I am experiencing this intense love for my family who have guided me through my own life.  Very soon the nest will be empty and with all my bravado, I harbor sadness at the impending silence.  As parents, we have a duty to our children to allow them independence and opinions.  I want to hold on to them for dear life, but know in my heart that their journey is just beginning.  My sons.  I have had immeasurable joy raising them…..and yes…..I question where the years have gone…..this…..on the eve of my 50^th birthday...I have no regrets.

Goodbye lovely chocolate and sinful chips

The time has come to seriously diet.  I have no misconceptions that the next few months will be a lesson in depravation from all of my favorite foods.  I realize that the popular philosophy is lifestyle change, however, I require a severe kick start a la "The Biggest Loser".....although I won't be exercising 24/7.  Diets are diets.  The lifestyle change needs a certain finesse and dedication that is built into the diet.

And this isn't about disliking my body (thank you ancestors for the short legs).  I made peace about being happy in my own skin a long time ago.  This is about removing some chunkage and just feeling better.

I'm starting out with a two-day fast where I will stay near the bathroom and be completely grumpy the entire time.  Did I mention the “size up” wardrobe is officially tight?  I have been relegated to wearing long jackets.  Incidentally a fast is not for everyone and should be engaged in with care.  I am opting for the water, green tea, limited fruit juice and vegetable juice version.....coffee is out and therein lies the personality change I will be undergoing.

After the fast....it's all about food in.  I like to calorie count with a concerted effort at limiting carbs.  As I am a graduate from Weight Watchers, I have an excellent idea of correct portion size, increasing metabolism through exercise and for good measure, dropping Frank's hot sauce on my food where possible.  This is not difficult stuff.  We know that devouring too much food helps us gain weight and limiting intake to 1200 calories per day will allow the shocked fatty cells to settle down.  Aging is a killer on metabolism which is why I purchased the proverbial treadmill. 

For me, two solid weeks of not cheating and limiting the red wine (well it's for my heart for goodness sakes), works wonders on the psyche. 

A word about body image.  Don't diet for anyone else but yourself.  Women around the world are thankfully unique in that we are billions of shapes and sizes and personalities.  Hopefully you all have someone that appreciates your identity.  True story....after my youngest was born (15 scant months after my first), I weighed in at 208 pounds.....at 5'3", that was quite a sum.  What saved me, what changed my whole image outlook was my husband.  I remember one evening he looked at me and said "you are so beautiful".....he said this in such an honest and authentic way that I believed him and this small act renewed me.

Find someone who makes you feel beautiful to start with......the diet is just secondary.  Read Maya Angelou's poem "Phenomenal Woman"......it will inspire.

How I came to love the matcha latte from Starbucks

So I lived in Japan a complete lifetime ago.....yet bizarrely that short lived experience shaped the very essence of who I became. 

I literally jumped into it at 18 years old…..no research…..no language training……no clue, just a desire to see a world I had only dreamed of.  And what I received was beyond the imagination.  I learned Japanese.   A whole other language for Pete’s sake!  It was a rather desperate situation as my host family understood limited English and I had to clarify a few things like my aversion to fried grasshoppers, bee larvae and eating all things buggy; octopus and squid on a stick (at first); sharing bath time with the kids and how to say sorry over dropping my chopsticks ten times at every meal.  Apparently it’s bad luck. Yikes!

The culture I encountered was, and has been, such a source of inspiration.  I briefly took classes in “ikebana”, flower arranging.  Apparently I was the worst arranger that my extremely patient teacher had ever taught and with a great deal of relief, she passed me on to the instructor of chanoyu, the Japanese tea ceremony. 

"Ichigo, Ichie" literally translated to "One encounter, one chance" Ichigo-Ichie means that every encounter with someone, even a friend whom you see often, should be treated as if it were a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. (As if today were the last time you might meet) This is the underlying philosophy of the Japanese tea ceremony and the lessons that changed my life.

I learned how to do ballet with my hands.  Every move, every softly spoken word and action had specific meaning.  I learned how to celebrate silence.  I learned how to honor the perfection of a hand crafted tea vessel, it’s history and story.  I attended an awe inspiring event in Kyoto during the only week that cherry blossoms bloom and under such a tree, witnessed a chanoyu master offer his art.

And importantly, I became enamored of matcha tea lattes from Starbucks!  I’m guessing not too many people enjoy the bitter sweet taste of matcha tea.  Thank you Japan!

To make a really long story slightly shorter, there is no time like the present to do a lot of living.  There is an adventure around every corner.

My family my home

Family is a powerful force.  We are drawn to them in times of need, love, giving, happiness and sorrow.  We celebrate with each other, laugh together, hold one another together and yes we cry when moments needs tears.  There is magic in loving family, that supersedes want.....and families come in all shapes imaginable. 

My husband and I were reminded of this during the holiday season.  We shared Christmas and the new year with siblings and parents, their friends who have become our friends, and we adopted everyone into the fold.  If laughter is song....we sang....and that singing was breathtaking. 

I have made a commitment to myself and this process of turning 50 to stretch my outlook on life and living....where I have sought miracles in the past, I realize that entering this stage and living fully is a miracle itself.  Where I have lost my religion, I have gained faith.  Where I have doubt, I understand that without doubt, there are no questions to explore.

My home is wherever the people I love are.....we will have no address except that which honors our good intentions and imaginations.  My family my home.

So on to new adventures and diets and exercise and admissions of guilty pleasures and face creams and where to shop til you drop, good habits, bad habits, hobbies that can fulfill at any age, food for the soul and soul food, spicing up a 21 year marriage, raising sons, learning until we become 100, hanging your hat on technology and wearing many many hats.

Bring it on 2011......magic is in the air.